God, Inspiration, Love, Reflections, Writings

He Loves Me…He Loves Me Not Part 2

He said, “Your different and special in every way imaginable. I want you Christina, I want ALL of you not just bit and pieces like you give everyone else.”

My stomach DROPPED…I sat in silence.

In the past I struggled with allowing people to love me.

He won’t be faithful.

I’m not good enough.

Can I be enough for just ONE person?

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He spent all this time trying to show me that I was good enough…He saw me as fit in his eyes. I was more than enough for him. He wanted to shower me with his time, love, and affection for the rest of my life. Who am I to dictate whether or not someone is allowed to love me?

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We often experience guilt and shame as a result of our past and we bring it with us to the present which then damages our future and develops into INSECURITY. I had to teach myself to fully love myself inside and out so that I can let others love me. I think it’s ironic that in my profession, I spend the entire day pouring out love and words of positive affirmation to my clients even though they are struggling with addiction and a mental illness. I wasn’t living what I preached.

I was afraid to get HURT

I was afraid to be JUDGED

I was afraid that my PAST would be too much for him to HANDLE

If I were symbolically a house, I wanted to show him the hidden places in my heart that I suppressed and acted as if they weren’t there. After having an internal  mental battle with myself, I decided to just surrender and let him get to know the REAL me and not the facade I presented to him. I bursted into tears and fell to the floor in my bedroom. He knelt down, held me close and said “I’ve been waiting for you…”

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The man that I’m in love with is JESUS.

-Lumi.Essence

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