God, Inspiration, Love, Reflections, Writings

He Loves Me…He Loves Me Not Part 2

He said, “Your different and special in every way imaginable. I want you Christina, I want ALL of you not just bit and pieces like you give everyone else.”

My stomach DROPPED…I sat in silence.

In the past I struggled with allowing people to love me.

He won’t be faithful.

I’m not good enough.

Can I be enough for just ONE person?


He spent all this time trying to show me that I was good enough…He saw me as fit in his eyes. I was more than enough for him. He wanted to shower me with his time, love, and affection for the rest of my life. Who am I to dictate whether or not someone is allowed to love me?


We often experience guilt and shame as a result of our past and we bring it with us to the present which then damages our future and develops into INSECURITY. I had to teach myself to fully love myself inside and out so that I can let others love me. I think it’s ironic that in my profession, I spend the entire day pouring out love and words of positive affirmation to my clients even though they are struggling with addiction and a mental illness. I wasn’t living what I preached.

I was afraid to get HURT

I was afraid to be JUDGED

I was afraid that my PAST would be too much for him to HANDLE

If I were symbolically a house, I wanted to show him the hidden places in my heart that I suppressed and acted as if they weren’t there. After having an internal  mental battle with myself, I decided to just surrender and let him get to know the REAL me and not the facade I presented to him. I bursted into tears and fell to the floor in my bedroom. He knelt down, held me close and said “I’ve been waiting for you…”


The man that I’m in love with is JESUS.



1 thought on “He Loves Me…He Loves Me Not Part 2”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s