Today, I met Mike Brown Sr. It was a truly taxing but enlightening moment. There were so many moments where I tied myself into knots. How would I feel if I were in the same place? Life comes at you quickly, will you be ready?
The tragic thing about talking to Mike Brown Sr. was the deep darkness that sat in the room. He still had a sense of optimism and the ability to look for the positive amongst the pain. But, he spoke on how the family was taken advantage of, he touched on the struggle and pain he had from dealing with other fathers that dealt with the same thing. They didn’t believe in the system but they also can’t see a way to change it. What hope do you have to hold on?
Mike Brown Sr. did talk about how he saw Mike Brown Jr’s life positively affect other people’s lives. He talked about a lot of the changes from families, neighbors, and even Ferguson. However, the tragic moment came when he said that he believes Mike Jr. was chosen.
As someone who the deeply believes in God, specifically Jesus Christ, it hurts me to think about my child being a sacrifice. I can sacrifice my own life, but my children are the ones I fight for. I don’t know the pain you go through to bury your child. It breaks my heart. The sorrow you must go through to think that someone that was supposed to bury you, you had to bury. How do you deal with pain? How can you find peace? How does that work?
I am still far from having a child. I don’t even know if God even has that in store for me, but I’m afraid of the battle that you must go through daily raising a black man in America. How tough is it to send a child out into the world and not know if they are going to make it home at night? My heart still jumps when I see a cop. I wouldn’t know how to deal with my son being out there. Let alone losing him.
We eventually accept that pain as life. We eventually learn that we can’t let ourselves live in that despair and that’s an interesting place where faith steps in. Do you trust in God’s plan or do you get frustrated at the system and stay the same. I am not sure how to feel, I just appreciative that I had an opportunity to feel the weight of Mike Brown Sr.’s world.
Turn Your Brightness Up!